(no subject)
Jan. 27th, 2004 02:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pictorNote, this is all journal like musings. I am not in a great dither, I am not feeling angst, I am not feeling hurt or forlorn, remember that as you read it.
So I am thinking relationships. I am back to 1. 1 is good. Most people spend their lives with no more than 1 at a time. Goodness knows I can stay busy enough with other things to justify just 1. Do I want 2 (or more)? I don't know. Good question, glad you asked. I have got the approach right now of "if it happens, it happens, and that's great, but I am not even slightly looking", which works. I suppose then the question is do I look, and if I look, what do I look for. That second part is the real kicker I suspect. I could seek just sexual partners, the proverbial fuck-buddy, and allow for more to happen if it does, and not expect it. I could seek out a deeper relationship, but I find when you actively seek those things, that's when they avoid you.
Of course, that's putting the cart before the horse to an extent. Love is not something you just brew up, it strikes you, or it doesn't, and you rarely have a choice in the matter. So I would have to ponder this question in light of actual real people, and how I feel about them. I have to ponder how getting into a relationship can endager a very good friendship, and if the worst should happen, risk damage to that friendship (yes I know, life is full of risk, you can't avoid it). Socks and I seem to be managing a friendship at a certain level, which I am greatful for, but as a potential friendship, it has still been "affected". So what if I ask someone out, find out it's an awkward mess and it won't work, will we able to press rewind and be friends again. Don't know, and I'm not going to know without trying will I?
Through this there is also Helen of course. She felt almost as keenly as I the effect of what happened with Socks and I? I think she appreciates as much as anyone that things have at last reached a peacable conclusion, and would probably view a new partner of any form for me with some trepidation. There is certainly enough stress in our life with the house coming, plans for packing need to be started, furniture needs to be looked at, and Helen's work is getting a bit busier.
From the people I know, those that I could currently see myself in a deep relationship with based on already knowing them well enough do not have room for me (I am leaving any indication of how many or who vague here, but it's a precious small group without learning enough about other people to add to it), those that I would be keen to have sexual encounters with, well of course I have no idea if they'd be interested in the same thing and only that (again, leaving numbers vague), and those that I truely value as a friend and just a friend, I would not want to jeapordize that. So certainly the "safer" road is not to go stirring any pots at this stage. Human kind did not evolve by taking the safer road all the time however. It's possible though, that the safer road is also the more advisable road....maybe at least until we have the house behind us.
That's it. If you didn't want to know, you wouldn't have me on your friends page.
So I am thinking relationships. I am back to 1. 1 is good. Most people spend their lives with no more than 1 at a time. Goodness knows I can stay busy enough with other things to justify just 1. Do I want 2 (or more)? I don't know. Good question, glad you asked. I have got the approach right now of "if it happens, it happens, and that's great, but I am not even slightly looking", which works. I suppose then the question is do I look, and if I look, what do I look for. That second part is the real kicker I suspect. I could seek just sexual partners, the proverbial fuck-buddy, and allow for more to happen if it does, and not expect it. I could seek out a deeper relationship, but I find when you actively seek those things, that's when they avoid you.
Of course, that's putting the cart before the horse to an extent. Love is not something you just brew up, it strikes you, or it doesn't, and you rarely have a choice in the matter. So I would have to ponder this question in light of actual real people, and how I feel about them. I have to ponder how getting into a relationship can endager a very good friendship, and if the worst should happen, risk damage to that friendship (yes I know, life is full of risk, you can't avoid it). Socks and I seem to be managing a friendship at a certain level, which I am greatful for, but as a potential friendship, it has still been "affected". So what if I ask someone out, find out it's an awkward mess and it won't work, will we able to press rewind and be friends again. Don't know, and I'm not going to know without trying will I?
Through this there is also Helen of course. She felt almost as keenly as I the effect of what happened with Socks and I? I think she appreciates as much as anyone that things have at last reached a peacable conclusion, and would probably view a new partner of any form for me with some trepidation. There is certainly enough stress in our life with the house coming, plans for packing need to be started, furniture needs to be looked at, and Helen's work is getting a bit busier.
From the people I know, those that I could currently see myself in a deep relationship with based on already knowing them well enough do not have room for me (I am leaving any indication of how many or who vague here, but it's a precious small group without learning enough about other people to add to it), those that I would be keen to have sexual encounters with, well of course I have no idea if they'd be interested in the same thing and only that (again, leaving numbers vague), and those that I truely value as a friend and just a friend, I would not want to jeapordize that. So certainly the "safer" road is not to go stirring any pots at this stage. Human kind did not evolve by taking the safer road all the time however. It's possible though, that the safer road is also the more advisable road....maybe at least until we have the house behind us.
That's it. If you didn't want to know, you wouldn't have me on your friends page.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-27 12:19 pm (UTC)Of course, Helen was affected - that is the poly equation. Ripples travel far and wide and when you are talking about your partner, very deep too. It can be a big pain in the ass.
It is hard finding people that fit your life and your needs (and you fit theirs too). taking a break from that can be very helpful when there is a lot else going on in your life. Especially, if, if I understood your post, you aren't sure at the moment that you want other people or not.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-27 12:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-27 12:33 pm (UTC)you have my support in your endeavours, and from my end, our relationship will maybe always be a little bit bittersweet, maybe not, I don't know, but I really truly believe that we can move on and be friends, maybe even good friends sometime
just make sure to find someone compatible with you :)
no subject
Date: 2004-01-28 09:46 am (UTC)It's funny, after I say all this, all my ex-girlfriends are still friends in one form or another. I have not left anyone refusing to ever talk to me, so I possibly worry more than I need to.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-27 12:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-28 09:47 am (UTC)Feel free to not extrapolate.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-28 02:01 pm (UTC)